As I write, Charlie Kirk was murdered only eight days ago. As I left work and was alerted to his fateful demise, I was unaware of just how impactful his death would be. Not just on those who knew him or followed his work, but on me also. I did not know the man. I did not follow his work other than to give the occasional hoot and holler when I would see him proclaim biblical truth and completely own the blue-haired transgender woman—a man—on the off chance I stumbled across one of his reels. But for some reason, his death has deeply impacted me. It has taken me roughly a week to gather my thoughts and see why, but as I write, the effect is profound.
Here, I want to highlight one thought as a result: the reason I write.
My Impending Death
We are admonished in scripture to number our days. This is a sober command that, if said by anyone other than God, might seem like a threat. But it is true—we must number our days. We will live for perhaps one hundred years, if heart disease, cancer, blood clots, dementia, car crashes, murder, war, or some other effect of the fall doesn’t take us first. But, no matter what, we will all die. And seeing Charlie assassinated, and leaving behind two small children and a young, adoring wife, has made me look upon my own children and my darling with a fresh set of eyes.
They are my life. Other than Jesus himself, they are the clearest sign of just how much God adores me; just how treasured I am to him; just how loved I am; they are a constant reminder of how true my sonship to God is. When I receive kisses from my queen, it is the Father giving his son a kiss. When my children embrace me, it is my elder brother holding me near. When we hold hands to pray around our meals, I am in close fellowship with the Trinity. It is a truly wonderful thing.
Remembering that I will die one day ignites a fire of motivation under me to prepare the way for them to never forget the glory of my God.
Why I Write
I began writing consistently roughly nine years ago, and this endeavor did not start with as pure a motivation as I wish it had. But over time, and as the Lord sanctified this man, it has changed and morphed to what I pray makes my Father smile. As I contemplate the death that I will one day suffer, I realize that my writing has two primary purposes:
The comfort and protection of my family—I want to leave for my children and grandchildren a body of work that they can lean upon. I want them to one day read my words and be comforted by the faith of their father and grandfather. I want them to be encouraged in their faith and be challenged to live before the face of Christ in holiness. I want to leave behind for them words that will help guide them through the challenges of life when I’m no longer here to whisper wisdom into their ears. I want to leave them a trusted guide that will cut through the noise and crowd of so many teachers, so that they may have a sure footing. I want them to be encouraged, knowing that they are following a well-worn path and that they are not starting afresh. I want them to know and love Christ the way I have come to know and love him. I want to leave my words for my wife so that even in my absence, she will never wonder whether my heart was completely for her. As the years tick on after I’m gone, and the tendency of the mind to forget comes upon her, I want her to be able to go back and read my thoughts, my ponderings, my devotions, and see another glimpse of my heart for the Lord and be emboldened by the faith of her man. I want my words to continue to be a strong guide for her as she begins to live alone. If the Lord takes me young, as he did Charlie, I want her to have the courage to set a high standard that another man must meet in order to take her hand in marriage. I want my words to be for her a protection from apathy, discouragement, folly, vanity, and the predations of those who would take advantage of widows. I want her and my children to remember, know, and believe that all that the Lord does is right and good.
The edification of the church—this, some may see, as a delusion of grandeur. Who do I think I am, Calvin? Luther? Beeke? Adams? Sproul? Well. No. I’m none of them, and I don’t pretend to be. I am a pastor of a small, reformed church, and for all I know, I will die being known by only those within that congregation. All my words may quickly be shuttled off to the rubbish bin of history, never to see the light of day again. But in the off chance that they do not, and the Lord allows them to remain, I want them to be a help and a blessing to my Lord’s bride. I want my words to be a push for the church in a new generation. I want to help progress the Kingdom of God on the earth, and invoke the Spirit of dominion in the world. I want my words to evoke in the hearts of young men a passion for what the word of God can accomplish. I want to further the art of biblical counseling and help train more men to use the scriptures to bring hope and healing to suffering souls. I want my words to motivate families to righteous living; husbands to self-denial; wives to joyful submission; fathers to fearless rearing; and mothers to compassionate care-taking. I want my words to echo through time with biblical wisdom, exuberant joy, glad submission to Christ, and fearless opposition to the world and sin. I want to inspire rejoicing and courage; I want my words to awaken hearts; I want my words to be a testament to what God can accomplish in a broken, sinful, and weak man such as I.
Why Number Our Days?
The Lord God tells us to number our days so that we may gain a heart of wisdom. The wisdom we gain is the wisdom to live a life of purpose, to focus on what truly matters, and to cultivate a sense of urgency and gratitude.
This is juxtaposed with the altogether hollow and childish way that the world wants people to live. The world is content to get fat, acquire dull senses by imbibing countless hours of television and mindless scrolling, engage in meaningless sex, give no attention to the next generation, numb our pain with illicit drugs, avoid the difficulties of life with prescription drugs, save no money, own nothing, believe in no higher calling or purpose, live in the satisfaction of stupidity, be led by fickle feelings and emotions, made decisions on a whim, pervert justice, murder helpless children in the womb, call good evil and evil good, live by lies, exist on the government dole, forsake commitment, remain children, and much, much more.
And the world is able to do this because no one is thinking of their own death. They’re only thought is for the next time they can go to the club, take a hit of ecstasy, have random sex, wake up, and do it all over again. The world is a rot.
But we who know the truth, love God, and are the bride of Christ are given a better path, and light for it. All that we could ever need for a life full of purpose is found within the pages of scripture. So forsake the ways of children and the drunkard, the fool and the sluggard, and pursue what really matters and be thankful for the whole thing.
Well, your words certainly found me! They were another recent reminder, and challenge, to number my days and appoint them for God. Bless you for your faithfulness!