Speaking The Truth In Love
Introduction
When Christians consider their calling in life, they will certainly be varied. Not everyone is called to do the same thing. People have varying proclivities, interests, desires, skills, etc., and so the Christian life will look somewhat different from person to person. No Christian, however, may go against God’s commands, so, in a greater sense, all Christian lives will (or should) look very similar. One area of this similarity is in the command given us by Christ through Paul, that we are to “speak the truth in love” with our neighbors. This is not an optional command; one cannot say, “Well, I’m an introvert, so I just don’t do that.” Not only is there no such thing as an introvert, but to nullify God’s command because of a particular proclivity is sinful. Jesus says elsewhere, “Everyone who professes me before men I will also acknowledge before my father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men I will also deny before my Father who is in heaven.” (Matthew 10:32-33). Additionally, Peter says that Christians ought to “always [be] prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks for a reason for the hope that is in you...” (1 Peter 3:15).
A Christian, then, simply does not have the liberty to not “speak,” for to be silent is to be ashamed of Christ; it is to be afraid of what men can do; it is to be puffed up with pride, being afraid of a tarnished reputation. Being silent is just the same as denying Christ; if we do not profess Christ before men when given the opportunity, then Christ promises he will deny us before the Father when he has the opportunity.
Our Calling
What are we called to do then? We are called to speak. But we are not called to speak just any old thing—we are called to speak the truth. We are commanded to speak the truth to anyone and everyone without regard for their feelings, perception, understanding, appreciation, or desire for it. The truth is nonnegotiable, and we, as Christians, have been commissioned by the commander of the armies of heaven to profess it. These are the marching orders.
What is the truth? This is the same question that Pilate asked before he executed the Lord of glory (John 18:38). Jesus made clear that everyone who is of the truth listens to the voice of Christ. Jesus bears witness to the truth. The only truth. The most fundamental truth. The only true truth. The truth upon which all other truths are founded. That Jesus is the Christ, the one and only true and living God, that all who love him will never taste death, but that all who scorn him are dead even while they live. Now, this is not the only truth, just the most fundamental truth. But upon this truth are myriad other truths from Christ which make a man or woman into the kind of person that Jesus desires. Christ wants his people—the people of the truth—to continue to walk in truth and not live by lies. We are commanded to grow into maturity, into the fullness of Jesus Christ, and no longer be children (Ephesians 4:11-14). For while it is necessary to proclaim the fundamental truth, it is a truth for children; it is a truth that must be moved beyond; it is elementary (Hebrews 6:1-2). To proclaim and profess this truth consistently and singularly is to stay immature and neglect the structure and building of truth that this foundational truth is meant to support.
The truth we are obligated to speak, then, is the truth about all of life. We are to speak about everything the bible speaks about without blushing. God said it, and that is all that is needful. The opinions of modern man are of no consequence to the truth, for Christ commands its proclamation.
How We Do It
Just as much as what we do matters, it also matters to God how we do it. In Ephesians 4:15, Paul says we’re to speak the truth. The truth about Christ, manhood, womanhood, sin, parenting, food, politics, sexual orientation, war, slavery, race, globalism, nationalism, etc. We can’t shirk back from any of it. Nevertheless, we are commanded to speak it “in love.”
To “speak the truth in love“ is both simple and yet not easy. It is simple because it doesn’t take much to speak lovingly. Using a compassionate tone, a listening ear, sympathetic gestures, letting your wisdom be known through reasonableness, etc. are not difficult things to do for those with the mind of Christ, who are walking in the Spirit, and are intentional. Yet, the difficulty arises in at least two ways.
First, there is the perception. Normally, people do not enjoy hearing truths that go against what they want or what they believe. They dislike it even more when commands are added to those hard truths, indicating that this new truth is not an optional belief but is, in fact, mandatory. When a Christian attempts to speak truth in love he/she will often be scorned because the offended person will say something like, “So you’re just saying the same hateful thing in a nice tone?!” And this is difficult because truth is not a bush that can be beat around. Certainly, there are better or worse ways of saying things—we don’t need to use intentionally inflammatory language with a serrated edge all the time—but when push comes to shove, the truth has to be said plainly and clearly. If a man is cheating on his wife, you can’t hem and haw; he must be told (lovingly) that he will go to hell lest he repent of his adultery and return to the Lord and his wife. If we attempt to be loving without being truthful, we will fall into a godless sentimentalism. If we attempt to be truthful without love, however, we will fall into a godless legalism.
The second difficulty plays off the first. It is crucial that we ensure that we are not just acting loving outwardly, but that we actually have love in our hearts when we are speaking truth. It is evidently true that when truth is being proclaimed, there will be those (even within the church) who declare that you are being unloving. Now, if you are speaking with kindness on your tongue, you are using words that are intended to build, and you are listening well, then the claim of being hateful is likely slanderous. Yet, it is imperative that it is, in fact, slanderous. When Christians speak the truth, they must have love in their hearts, for if they do, then although the world (and even perhaps the church) scorn them, the Lord will look upon them with favor and delight. So, you must love in your heart; you must have true compassion in your heart; you must look upon those who need this truth with pity, because they are currently incomplete without it.
Christ, Our Example
A good case study for this is Jesus’ encounter with the rich young ruler found in Mark 10:17-23. In this account of this encounter, we observe much of the same elements in the other synoptics, however, with one critical and unique detail. The rich man calls Jesus good, asks what to do to get into heaven, and declares that he has kept the law perfectly from his youth. After this diagnostic conversation, the text says, “And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, ‘You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven...”
Dear reader, I want you to understand something. If you read the other two accounts of this event in Matthew 19:20-22 and Luke 18:18-23, you would read Christ’s words commanding the Ruler to go do the same thing he does in Mark, but the phrase “loved him” is absent. Because it is absent, we do something funny as readers: we have a greater tendency to view Christ’s words as being harsh and lacking compassion. But when we read in Mark that Jesus loved this man, it gives his instruction a new flavor; it makes it hit different. Jesus didn’t do anything different in the accounts recorded in Matthew and Luke, but we now know that when Jesus spoke to this make he loved him, and that is why he told him the hard truths he needed to hear.
Christ, in other words, pitied this man because he was looking for salvation in himself. Jesus loved him and therefore spoke very hard words to him because he wanted to save him from the damnation that was certain to come, and the only reason we know that Jesus loved this man is because, in this Gospel, the Holy Spirit saw fit to reveal this to us. No one at this event knew what was happening in Christ’s heart. In fact, just about everyone took his words to be very harsh and unloving. The Rich Young Ruler was “disheartened” and became very “sorrowful.” The disciples, upon hearing this, were astonished and “amazed” and assumed now that salvation is impossible. Because of Christ’s words, they were compelled to ask, “Then who can be saved?”
Christ, by his rebuke and “harsh” words, caused all sorts of sorrow, consternation, disappointment, and uncertainty. Yet, it would have been wrong for someone to point the finger at him and claim that what he did was unloving. If this were to happen, it would, in fact, be slanderous, for Christ did all this out of the depths of his love for the man and mankind. Christ said these unpleasant and crushing words so that these people would no longer walk in idolatry but would worship God in spirit and truth.
Key Principles of Speaking The Truth in Love
To speak the truth in love means to courageously and honestly share difficult truths, warnings, or guidance with someone, but to do so with genuine care, kindness, and a focus on their ultimate good and spiritual growth, rather than with harshness, judgment, or self-righteousness. The ultimate aim is to build unity and maturity in Christ. It is a careful balancing of honesty (truth) with compassion (love) to help others grow, reflecting Christ’s character in the process, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Core Principles:
Kindness & Gentleness: Infuse correction with grace, aiming to impart life and encourage, not to wound or shame.
Humility: Acknowledge your own fallibility and that you don’t determine truth, but rather, God does. Let your reasonableness be known to all in the meekness of wisdom.
Focus on Growth: The goal is spiritual maturity and building up the church to be faithful to Christ. The goal is not just being right.
Sympathy & Listening: Understand the other person’s perspective before speaking; listen actively and respectfully.
Clarity & Sincerity: Communicate truth clearly, simply, and without deceit, avoiding cunning or manipulation. Don’t beat around the bush; don’t hem and haw.
Patience & Longsuffering: Be patient with those who struggle, offering support rather than demanding or expecting immediate change. That is, unfortunately, rare.
Proper Setting & Timing: Choose the right time and place for difficult conversations. The right time and place are not when people who desire your silence say it is, either.
Dependence on God: Ask God for discernment and rely on the Holy Spirit to guide your words and actions.
Leaving Results to God: Speak the truth and trust God with the outcome, rather than trying to force a specific result. The Holy Spirit is faithful.
Conclusion
Christians are commanded to speak the truth in love. Christians are commanded to mimic our Lord, Jesus Christ. Christians are commanded to be a positive force for the mutual upbuilding of the church toward maturity in Christ. These are nonnegotiable. Unfortunately, in both our secular culture as well as the church culture, bold and loving truth tellers are being silenced. They are permitted to speak truthfully about matters that have a decade or more of agreement, but when it comes to pressing and timely truths, they are often shushed, questioned, and shamed into silence. This must not be. Neither Christ, Paul, Peter, James, Jude, nor any other propagator of truth in scripture was willing to be silent when it came to biblical truth and its immediate application. They were never unloving or hateful, bigoted or partial, but they always spoke truth without apology and with lots and lots of love. The most loving thing anyone can ever do is try to get someone from ceasing to offend the Lord God through sin. The church must, once again, be a community that speaks the truth to our own hearts, our congregations, our denominations, and our nation. And we must also be a people who, like Christ, speak hard and uncomfortable things because we have so much love.