How to Wash Your Wife in the Word (Ephesians 5:25): The Promises and Practices of Loving Her Like Christ

Ephesians 5:25-28

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless (emphasis added).

The Context

The content of our passage today is a challenging charge to husbands but thankfully, it comes in the context of rich Christology. Often, when it comes to the book of Ephesians, we can quickly, and often errantly, jump to the commands of chapters 4-6 without first being informed, equipped, challenged, and comforted with the works of Christ on our behalf that enables us to rise in obedience to the commands of chapters 4-6. For this reason, we begin our time reflecting on the work of Christ on behalf of you men who are fathers, husbands, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, and children of God.

According to chapter 1, Christ has won our holiness (1:4), adoption (1:5), acceptance before God (1:6), redemption and forgiveness (1:7), sealing with the Holy Spirit (1:13), wisdom (1:17), and understanding leading to hope (1:18). According to chapter 2, we have been brought to life in Christ (2:1, 4), received grace and kindness (2:7), saved by grace (2:8-9), created for good works (2:10), made close to God through the blood of Christ (2:14), given peace with God (2:15), granted reconciliation with God (2:16), given access to God (2:18), made citizens of the household of God (2:19), and are being built into the holy temple of God (2:21-22). According to chapter 3, we have been made partakers of the promise (3:6), granted boldness (3:12), given access to God with confidence (3:12), possess strength and might by the Spirit in our inner man (3:16), given Christ to dwell in our hearts (3:17), rooted and grounded in love (3:17), and can comprehend the breadth, and length, and depth, and height of Christ’s love (3:18). According to chapter 4, we have been given grace (4:7), pastors and teachers for our perfecting (4:12-13), ability to know sound doctrine and discernment to shun falsehood (4:14), sanctifying growth (4:15), and unity in Christ’s body, the church (4:16).

How did Paul respond to these precious treasures bestowed upon us? He writes in 3:20-21, “Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.” He gives glory to God by recognizing that his power in us can accomplish far greater than we ask or think; a promise that we all need to grasp, pull tight to our heart today, and hold onto as we set out to lead our families.

If you simply tell yourself to perform the duties of husband in chapter 5 without meditating upon and clinging to the works of Christ on your behalf in chapters 1-4, you have simply laid a heavy burden upon your back to carry in your own insufficient strength. However, when we read, meditate, pray, and cling to the work of Christ for us, we see that not only are we commanded to love our wives like Christ loved the church but that we are also cared for and well-equipped to do the task, which brings confidence, assurance, courage, resilience, and tender love for Christ into our hearts.

The Command

Now that we have the precious work of Christ in our minds, we set out to discuss the practicality of the command in Ephesians 5:25 to “love your wives, just as Christ also love the church.” Here, we see that Christ: 1) loved the church, and 2) gave himself up for her with the purpose of sanctifying her. Christ “cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word” for the purpose of her holiness. Here, we see the motives for our “washing” our wife in the word are her sanctification, and holiness, which will bring deeper joy in her relationship with Christ and subsequently deeper joy in her respect, submission to, and oneness with you. The question then becomes, “How do I wash my wife in the word?” To help you with this, I am going to share six very practical tips, or ways to wash your wife in the word, following Christ’s example.

1)    Spend Time Alone with the Father – Matthew 14:23 After He had sent the crowds away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray; and when it was evening, He was there alone. What you give your family to drink comes from the well of private time spent with God. If your single, your usefulness to minister the word to others is directly related to your time spent with God in private.

2)    Read Scripture Together – Luke 4:16-21, 16 And He came to Nazareth, where He had been brought up; and as was His custom, He entered the synagogue on the Sabbath, and stood up to read. 17 And the book of the prophet Isaiah was handed to Him. And He opened the book and found the place where it was written, 18 “The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, Because He anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim release to the captives, And recovery of sight to the blind, To set free those who are oppressed, 19 To proclaim the favorable year of the Lord.” 20 And He closed the book, gave it back to the attendant and sat down; and the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on Him. 21 And He began to say to them, “Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.” Map out the rest of 2026, set a time, sit down, and read together every day.

3)    Ask Questions About Scripture – Luke 6:2-4, 2 But some of the Pharisees said, “Why do you do what is not lawful on the Sabbath?” 3 And Jesus answering them said, “Have you not even read what David did when he was hungry, he and those who were with him, 4 how he entered the house of God, and took and ate the consecrated bread which is not lawful for any to eat except the priests alone, and gave it to his companions?” Ask good questions that begin with who, what, when where, why, and how regarding God’s word to bring clarity to Christ’s identity in your and your wife’s lives. If single, this looks like meditation to you. Journal your questions and answers or pose them to a friend or brother.

4)    Sing Psalms and Hymns Together – Matthew 26:30, “After singing a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives.” Sing together, discuss your favorite songs together, and share why each person likes the song. If single, sing aloud before the heavenly host in private worship.

5)    Pray Out Loud Before Your Wife the Promises of Scripture Over Her – John 17:9-10 9 I ask on their behalf; I do not ask on behalf of the world, but of those whom You have given Me; for they are Yours; 10 and all things that are Mine are Yours, and Yours are Mine; and I have been glorified in them. Encourage your wife to cling to the promises of God made unto his people!

6)    Decorate Your House with Holy Scripture – Deuteronomy 6:4 “Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Encourage your wife to decorate the house with Scripture on paintings, pictures, vinyl, whiteboards, or handwritten notes. If single, post Scripture on your walls!

BONUS TIPS:

7)    Read Books and Devotionals Together.

8)    Talk About the Lord’s Day Sermon Together.

9)    Leave Notes Around the House with Scripture Passages Just for Her!

10) Compliment Her! (especially when you notice the character of Christ in her).

The Conclusion

Reflect on the promises and blessings of Ephesians 1-4. How does the knowledge of Christ’s work in Ephesians chapters 1-4 help you fulfill the commands for a husband in Ephesians 5? Which one of the ten practical tips above are you currently doing well in your family and marriage? Good job, man of God! Bend the knee to thank God for his grace in your life! Which one of the ten practical tips above are you currently weakest in? Find a promise in Ephesians 1-4 that empowers you to turn the tide in this neglected practice; then, on the basis of God’s promises, implement the practice in your home. Again, bend the knee to thank God for his providential grace that supplies you with all you need to wash your wife in the word.