Who Is My Neighbor?": Ordered Love, Covenant Priority, and Christian Duty
In Luke 10:29, Jesus is asked a fundamental question: “Who is my neighbor?”Regrettably, modern Christians often stumble over this concept, and do so with the boastful pride of a Cock strutting the farm. The question posed is ancient; the confusion, however, is not. In our sentimental, globalist, perverted, gay, transexual, immigrant age, “neighbor-love” has become flattened, abstracted, and universalized into a guilt-driven ethic that dissolves proper distinctions ordained by God. While we are screamed at to love the foreigner as our neighbor, our capitulation to that end is actually a violation of this command. Love for the foreigner actually becomes a Christianity without priority, and a Christianity without priority is the kind that will end up hearing, “depart from me, you worker of iniquity, I never knew you.” Why? Because Christ said, ‘If you love me, you will do what I say, the way I say it, how I say it, and in the order I say it—we won’t pick and choose, or placate with lip service.’
Scripture never commands disordered love. The God who is love (1 John 4:8) is also the God of order (1 Cor. 14:33). Therefore, Christian love must be ordered, not chaotic. Loving the foreigner, then, rather than your own countrymen, is rebellion. Augustine called this concept the ordo amoris—“rightly ordered love,”—and the Reformed tradition has always upheld it, until very recently, upon the advent of blue hair dye. The question is not whether we love, but which people we are to love. We are called to love the foreigner, but how we love them in proportion to the love God Himself has assigned to us is of vital importance.
Christ’s answer to “Who is my neighbor?” does not, therefore, erase distinctions, but it clarifies priorities. Properly understood, it frees Christians to love wisely, responsibly, covenantally, and without the paralyzing burden of global sentimentalism and liberal screams.
The Parable: Not Universal Love, but Faithful Love
In Luke 10, Jesus tells the parable of the Good Samaritan, not to make every human being equally a neighbor, but, in context, to expose the lawyer’s refusal to love the person immediately placed before him. Ironically, the lawyer wanted to do the very thing the left and liberal Christians want to do: expand the category of “neighbor” so broadly that you can avoid loving the one nearest. A man’s wife says, “Honey, I would really love it if we could go to a nice restaurant for dinner,” and her husband replies, “Do you know how many starving children there are in Africa? And yet you want to go and live in luxury?” He imagines the $35 he sends to Sarah McLachlan every month is loving, but in fact, not only is he neglecting his wife, but he does precisely little for those starving babies in Africa—after all, they are in Africa, and he is in Wisconsin.
However, in this parable, Jesus collapses the Lawyer’s excuses, just like he does to all those who imagine an open society and a world without walls. He directs his eyes not to an anonymous “global community,” but to an actual neighbor: the bruised man in the road.
Christ’s point is simple:
- You are responsible for loving the one God actually puts before you.
- Love requires your resources (time, money, skills, equipment), which are necessarily finite
- You are not responsible for loving everyone as your nearest neighbor.
- Love is physical, tangible, personal, not far off and unseen.
Jesus certainly condemns the evasion of the priest and Levite, but nowhere in this parable is the condemnation of distinctions. The priest sinned precisely because the wounded man was near—right in front of him—and he did nothing. The Levite was sinful for precisely the same reason. The Samaritan’s example, however, is one of proximity, providence, and priority, for had he not been traveling to Jerusalem that day, he would not have been able to help. This is not, therefore, a universal mandate to treat every person on earth with equal claim upon your time, devotion, or resources.
Ordered Love Is Biblical Love
Scripture everywhere assumes an order to our affections and obligations:
1. God First
“You shall love the LORD your God…” (Deuteronomy 6:5). “I am the Lord your God...you shall have no other gods besides me” (Exodus 20:1-3). There can be no love that competes with this. All earthly loves flow from it, and none may go before it. Any love that goes before love for God is by nature idolatry.
2. Spouse Second
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:31-32). The marriage covenant was the first institution God made in creation. The two came together to be wed before children, and it was this union that allowed the creation of legitimate children. Additionally, these children are intended to depart from the home one day to cleave to their own spouse, thus leaving the original husband and wife together without children. This marriage relationship is, therefore, first, last, permanent, and the best physical display of the Gospel in all creation.
In this relationship, men are to treat their wives as their own bodies—nourishing and cherishing her as he would himself (Ephesians 5:28-29). Wives are to submit to their husbands in everything, just as she would to Christ (Ephesians 5:22,24). This must be the second most prioritized relationship in all of life.
3. Children Third
“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Tim. 5:8).
Family love is not optional—it is a mark of Christianity. The man or woman who neglects to love their spouse, and afterward to subsequently love their children, is condemned even while they live. Paul warns that neglect of household duties is essentially apostasy.
4. Extended Family Fourth
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12). When a man marries his wife, he leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife. This necessarily means that mother and father are less near than children and spouse. Nevertheless, they are still very important; so important, in fact, that God mandates their honor, regardless of marital status.
5. The Household of Faith Fifth
“So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith” (Galatians 6:10). Notice, “as we have opportunity.” This is subjective. Each person is permitted to determine whether it is an opportune time to do good. No one should be browbeaten until they succumb to the whims of the collective to give up their money and labor because of the sensibilities of the liberal (fake and gay) Christians. Notice also, when you give your money and time, after you have given it to the Lord, your spouse, your children, and your parents, the next priority is your church, not the Islamic immigrants in Dearborn. If you give anything to those jihadis before your church, you are committing a gross sin. Paul does not say equally—he says especially, indicating that the church stands in a covenantal priority above all foreigners.
6. Local Neighbor Sixth
Continuing to move outward, we are to “love our neighbor as ourselves” (Mark 12:31). After your church, come those neighbors who are then closest to you in proximity. Your next-door neighbor, then your neighbor in your county, then state, then region, then country.
This is the doctrine of Subsidiarity, which states that matters ought to always be handled at the most immediate or local level possible. But this is because the closer the level is to the issue or concern, the better equipped they will be to handle the issue. Notice, the Samaritan on the road was better equipped to handle the unfortunate circumstances than the Samaritan still in Samaria—this is because he was physically closer.
7. The Stranger and Foreigner
“You shall love the stranger…” (Deut. 10:19). But notice what God means here: a love of justice, fair dealing, mercy—not covenantal intimacy, not equal priority, not familial provision.
Once you have adequately and completely exhausted yourself in the first six levels of love, then and only then should you even concern yourself with the stranger or foreigner (and I’ll be frank, I don’t think that’s even possible). This is because both of these commands are true. We are commanded to both love the foreigner and give priority to our loves. This is not a contradiction or difficult to grasp for those with the mind of Christ, but for those who have a darkened mind, they must ignore one of these—and it’s nearly always the priorities of love. For if one neglected to love the foreigner, he would still likely love his spouse and children, etc., but when the church loves the foreigner first, it always neglects those who have a right to their love. This goes for all levels of government, too.
In Scripture, then, love expands outward in concentric circles:
God → Spouse → Family → Church → Local neighbor (next door, county, state, country) → Foreigner/stranger.
Only in the late-modern West has this been inverted.
The Foreign Neighbor: Genuine Love Without Disordered Duty
The Bible instructs God’s people to show compassion and justice toward the foreigner. But Scripture never commands that the foreigner receive the same devotion, provision, or covenantal loyalty as one’s spouse, children, or congregation—to think otherwise is a devilish lie that the church has become pregnant with.
A Christian father who devotes more financial, emotional, or spiritual energy to foreign causes than to his own wife and children is not saintly—he is unfaithful, sinful, and condemned.
A pastor who prioritizes “global humanitarianism” while his own flock starves spiritually is not compassionate—he is derelict, whitewashed, a waterless cloud, a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
A church that loves the outsider more than its own members is not generous—it is disordered; unloving; ignorant; lifeless.
To love the foreigner biblically is to treat him with justice and mercy within the boundaries of your God-given primary obligations, not in spite of them.
The modern West preaches that the inverse is true: that to prefer your family, your church, or your nation is xenophobic. To be intoxicated with your wife and put your family first is idolatry, and to care for and provide for your children alone is vainglory. Scripture, however, calls it faithful obedience (1 Timothy 5:8).
Real-World Application for Christians Today
1. Fathers: Your Wife and Children Are Your First Earthly Neighbors
Your most immediate neighbor is your spouse; don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Your next neighbors are your children; don’t allow the whispers of childless leftists to deceive you. They must receive the bulk of your time, energy, protection, and provision. A man who is “for the world” but not for his household is a covenantal traitor; a fruitless tree in late autumn. As a man, you must guard your home from ideological or moral threats, prioritize discipleship at the dinner table over activism on the internet, and love your wife with sacrificial devotion before you love the foreigner with charitable giving. If you do this, your wife, sons, and daughters will follow your lead.
2. The Church: Love the Saints before the Outsider
The New Testament ethic is blunt: especially love the household of faith. Membership, covenantal commitment, shared worship, Communion, fellowship meals, and mutual discipline form a relationship that the foreigner does not share and cannot share. Prioritize, then, church benevolence funds for members, not outsiders. Attend to the lonely widow in your congregation before the needs of strangers across the world. Widows are everywhere, and God gave some to you to care for. If he wanted you to care for the ones three states away, they’d be in your church. Defend the purity and unity of the church before pursuing public sympathy from unbelievers.
Loving one’s own people—one’s “near community”—is assumed throughout Scripture. Paul’s “kinsmen according to the flesh,” for instance, burdened his heart in unique ways (Romans 9:3) that those outside his ethnic group did not. It would be wrong, however, to conclude that this is ethnocentrism or that those who love their own ethnic group are ethnocentrists. One could not engage in this sort of wordplay without condemning the Apostle of Christ to the Gentiles. This is just simply biblical realism. God created all people groups (Acts 17:26) and therefore to love your group more than another is not only not sinful, it is, in fact, part and parcel with the world God made—it is righteous. As Christians and the church, we must then prioritize service to our people over global causes that cannot be verified. We must also reject the ethical guilt trips that demand equal love for those tens, hundreds, or even thousands of miles away.
Disordered Love Produces Misery
Whenever lower loves rise above higher loves, chaos follows: Loving the foreigner more than your family will inevitably destroy your household. Loving generalized humanity more than the church empties congregations of strong and courageous men and fills them with soft and puggy women of both sexes. Loving “good causes” more than God turns charity into idolatry. This is because the way biblical love looks is dynamic and largely dependent on the circumstances. In one situation, it might be appropriate to show love to a thief by telling him of the forgiveness of God and redemption found in Christ. In another situation, biblical love might look like emptying a 15-round clip in his face until he dies to save your family. Love is not monolithic, no matter what the godless world says. Lastly, loving everyone equally always and forever means loving no one faithfully. This is proven in the fact that God has elected some to eternal redemption and some to eternal destruction. He has chosen who he would rest his love upon, and it isn’t everyone indiscriminately.
Ordo amoris is not optional—it is protective, godly, faithful. It guards the heart from sentimentalism, the home from dysfunction, and the church from dereliction.
Conclusion
Who is my neighbor? Biblically speaking, your neighbor is not defined by universal sentiment, but by proximity, providence, and priority. God shows us the Ordo Amoris, not to make us intolerable jerks, but to actually provide true, heartfelt, compassionate care for people. Only when you are near someone can you actually care for them. This doctrine, then, provides liberating clarity for all those drowning in the effeminate pool of worldly empathy. You must love all people, but you cannot, and you may not love all with the same intensity, obligation, or covenantal depth.
In an age intoxicated with disordered compassion, the church must recover the Reformed and biblical truth that love is not a flat line but a hierarchy—and that ordered love is the path of faithfulness, not selfishness.
Anything less is not Christian love at all.
