No-Fault Church Membership and the Soft Bigamy of Modern Evangelicalism

Introduction

American Christians rightly howl at the devastation of no-fault divorce. We see the wreckage it leaves behind: fractured families, covenantal amnesia, and the normalization of abandonment dressed up as “self-care.” We understand, at least in theory, that marriage is not a consumer contract but a covenant sealed before God. And yet, with a straight face and a clear conscience, many of these same Christians practice what can only be called no-fault church separation. We denounce no-fault divorce on Sunday and then quietly commit its ecclesiastical cousin on Monday.

In civil society, no-fault divorce means a marriage can be dissolved for “irreconcilable differences,” dissatisfaction, or loss of personal fulfillment, no adultery required, no abuse alleged, no covenantal treachery proven. Preferences become grounds. Feelings become judges. Commitment becomes optional.

In the church, we have baptized this same logic. Believers leave congregations over sermon length, music style, children’s programs, interpersonal awkwardness, parking convenience, or the vague complaint that they are “not being fed.” The coffee is weak. The pastor is dull. The people are irritating. And so, Bibles packed, vows forgotten, we move on. This is not faithfulness. It is spiritual consumerism, and it treats the bride of Christ like a subscription service.

Covenant Means You Don’t Get to Leave When It Gets Annoying

Scripture does not allow us to imagine covenantal relationships as disposable. Marriage, after all, is the great earthly icon of Christ’s unbreakable union with His Church (Eph. 5:31–32). God says plainly, “I hate divorce” (Mal. 2:16), not because every marriage is easy, but because covenant-breaking is violent. Jesus tightens the screws in Matthew 19: what God joins together, man is not authorized to casually dismantle. Divorce is permitted only in cases of objective covenantal rupture; sexual immorality, and as Paul later adds, abandonment by an unbeliever (1 Cor. 7). Not boredom. Not dissatisfaction. Not “we grew apart.” That logic matters, because marriage is not the only covenantal bond God takes seriously.

The New Testament does not envision the church as a loose association of religious shoppers drifting between spiritual vendors. The church is a body (1 Cor. 12), a household (Eph. 2:19), a holy temple (Eph. 2:21), a bride (Rev. 21:9). These pictures are communicating the sacredness of the church, and binding yourself in a Covenant with her.

The Westminster Confession of Faith does not treat the church as a voluntary association of like-minded individuals. It calls the visible church “the house and family of God, out of which there is no ordinary possibility of salvation” (WCF 25.2). That is not the language of casual attendance, but of belonging, obligation, and endurance.

Westminster again presses the point. The saints are bound, it says, “to maintain an holy fellowship and communion in the worship of God, and in performing such other spiritual services as tend to their mutual edification” (WCF 26.2). That fellowship is not contingent on personal enjoyment. It is a duty, not a hobby.

You don’t amputate a foot because it’s awkward. You don’t abandon a family because dinner was unpleasant, or a certain rule was not to your liking. And yet Christians do this every week.

“Bearing With One Another” Is Not Optional Christianity

Paul does not command believers to “enjoy one another when it’s convenient.” He commands us to bear with one another in love (Eph. 4:2). That phrase assumes weight. It assumes friction. It assumes sinners in close proximity. Unity is not maintained by shared tastes but by shared obedience. Calvin comments on this passage that believers must endure “many offenses, many infirmities, many roughnesses” in one another, because unity is preserved by humility and patience.

Colossians 3:13 is blunt: “Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.” Notice the assumption: complaints will exist. The response is not departure, but forgiveness.

Peter presses it further: “Above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins” (1 Pet. 4:8). Not cover apostasy. Not cover wolves. But cover the daily irritations that arise when real people live real lives together.

The modern evangelical instinct is to flee discomfort rather than crucify preferences. We treat the church like a hotel, not a home. If the service is poor, we check out. But Scripture knows nothing of preference-driven ecclesiology.

When Leaving Is Right, and When It Is Sinful

To say all this is not to deny that leaving a church can sometimes be necessary. Scripture deals with the reality of sin. Westminster allows that visible churches may become “more or less pure,” and some so corrupt as to become “synagogues of Satan” (WCF 25.4). In such cases, departure is not schism. It is fidelity to Christ. Separation is warranted in cases of objective covenantal breach, not subjective dissatisfaction:

• Doctrinal apostasy (Gal. 1:6–9; 2 John 9–11)

• Unrepentant, scandalous sin tolerated by the church (1 Cor. 5)

• Corrupt or abusive leadership that refuses correction (1 Tim. 5:19–20; Rev. 2–3)

Even then, the biblical pattern is confrontation, patience, repentance, and restoration, not impulsive flight (Matt. 18; Gal. 6:1). What Scripture never authorizes is quiet disappearance because “it just wasn’t a good fit.” That language belongs to sinners on dating apps, not the kingdom of God.

The Damage of No-Fault Church Leaving

Just as casual divorce trains children to expect abandonment, casual church leaving catechizes believers in disloyalty. It fractures communities, demoralizes pastors, destabilizes discipline, and teaches younger Christians that vows are temporary and commitment is negotiable. Samuel Rutherford warned that separation from the church over non-essentials was “the mother of confusion and the grave of unity” (A Peaceable and Temperate Plea for Paul’s Presbytery in Scotland. 1642). The modern church-hopping impulse proves him right.

Worst of all, it lies about Christ. Jesus does not abandon His bride when she is difficult. He sanctifies her. He washes her. He remains faithful when she is weak. And then we, His people, turn around and treat His body as disposable when it becomes inconvenient. This ought not to be.

A Call to Faithful Membership

Church membership is not about finding the perfect church. It is about being a faithful Christian in an imperfect but faithful one. If you have vowed yourself to a local body, then stay. Pray. Repent. Forgive. Serve. Submit. Speak truth. Bear burdens. Endure irritation. Grow in love. And if you must leave, let it be for reasons weighty enough to stand before Christ on the Last Day.

The church is not a product. She is a people.

Not a service provider. A covenant family.

Not a preference center. A cruciform body.

No-fault divorce hollowed out marriage. No-fault church membership hollows out the church. The Reformed faith demands better. Christ deserves better. And His bride is worth it.